S. / The Bearer of STATE
Chapter 3. the Captain
Carefully, S. approaches an inconspicuous door in the outskirts of Bernin Borough. The
restaurant, close to three Borough bridges, with easy access to multiple escape routes, is
a perfect place for illegal rendezvous.
S. has carried STATE for 38 minutes and 45, 46, 47, 48, 49 seconds when she pushes
the ticking sound to quiet. Behind the door, a small hallway with a grease-stained carpet
and smelly stairs leading to the restaurant on the first floor. S. turns left to go up the stairs
when she pauses. From above comes some sound of people talking, but it is more like radio
or tape. It is not loud nor rough enough… Something is wrong.
But there is no recoil or flight, her body stays where it is for a moment, jerks back to movement.
Step by step, she continues up the stairs, still clutching STATE. When she can look over the
last stair, her fears are affirmed. Nobody is there, the tables and chairs a mess.
Then, someone comes in behind her, heavy booted feet.
Her only chance is going up, and so she does, through the small corridor with toilets. In
the middle of the empty restaurant, she halts.
Sure enough, the footsteps follow her.
Frantically, S. tries to remember the flight routes from here, but to her frustration her mind is a blank.
This cannot be!
She always knows where to go. Always! But now the knowledge is gone, utterly and irrevocably.
And what is more, her body fails to move. STATE is getting really, really heavy and seems to
pierce her skin. Pulling at her gravitation center and pressing her feet down onto the sticky
vinyl floor, STATE seems to deliberately hinder her, allowing her to get caught.
S. smells herself, the garlic sweat of fear.
She turns to face her end. A soldier in his late thirties, by his uniform a top member of an elite unit,
points his gun at her from over the top of the stairs.
As she freezes, she notices his concentration.
14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, …
Strangely enough, she has time to observe him.
His very short, cropped hair is dark, with grey specks. His eyes are brown, his cheekbones prominent.
He is handsome in a hard way, and clearly used to being obeyed, to people fearing him. Slowly,
dragging his feet, he is coming up the remaining stairs, keeping the gun carefully pointed to her head.
S. cannot move, the dead weight of STATE pins her to the ground. Her knees are weak with a dull
abdomal pain. When the man is level with her, she sees that keeping the gun pointed appears to take
him some effort.
But that is ridiculous, why would a trained elite soldier hesitate to kill a known terrorist, a thief of STATE?
She should be dead already.
In a weird slow-motion manner, his finger is reaching for the trigger.
STATE pushes off strongly against her, the stomach muscles aching from an unusual strain.
Staring the uniformed man in the eye, she realizes that this time, there is no adrenalin. She is not afraid at all.
Her mind is conscious of seconds passing and of her blood coursing and of his blood thumping, his muscles
tensing against his will. The gun is slipping. S. does not look at it, but only unblinkingly into the man’s hard eyes.
Opposite, the man is breaking out in sweat, his face rigid. With both hands he is holding the gun, but still
he cannot control it.
The gun is slowly
It is not clear whether his hands are betraying him or the gun is wriggling itself out of his grasp. Some
force is working on him, and S. knows the force is STATE.
The Elite soldier is almost facing his own gun, and then he sinks through his knees.
Whatever is forcing him, is going to kill him, with his own gun, there and then.
S. closes her eyes against the blast.
So does the soldier.
And suddenly, he releases his resistance. He just allows his thumb to take off the safety pin, his
finger to go to the trigger.
He knows there is no excuse.
S. does not know whether she has actually cried out or not, or if the soldier had, but there is no
gunfire sound, and when she opens her eyes, the man is still lying on his knees in front of her.
The Captain is offering the gun to her, still pointed at himself.
“F… F… F..” he struggles with the words, his mind and tongue at odds.
He glances up at her, his eyes met by her hard stare.
‘Thief of STATE… Th…’ But he can no longer think ‘thief’ when the old words of STATE Etiquette return to mind.
‘No matter in what way a person is given STATE to bear, once he or she is Bearer, he or she is the Head of State.
The Bearer of STATE.
And from that moment, every state citizen should serve STATE,
We all serve STATE.
We all serve the Bearer of STATE.
We all serve STATE.
We all serve the Bearer of STATE.’
“F… Forgive me… Forgive me… Forgive me forgive me,” he mutters, not daring to raise his eyes again.
“Y… Your Gr… Your " he swallows, then tries again.
“Y… Your Grace… F… Forgive me… I have raised my arms against STATE… and I will be punished as
Normally, to be offered a gun to shoot a person representing the regime is not something S. would
have relinquished; but there is no righteous anger inside her this time. There is nothing inside.
Just an emptiness, uncomfortable and open, and a strange knowledge that the gun would be terrible
And as there will be no help from the revolutionaries, she does need some assistance. This man
is no mere soldier, he is a Captain. His men must be somewhere around, in fact, it is surprising
they have not intervened already.
She looks down on him and says:
“Put that gun away.
If STATE wanted you dead, it would have killed you.
With shaky fingers, the Captain puts down his gun, but he does not rise.
“You… You are… now… the Bearer of STATE”, he says. And he sits very still.
“Y… Your Grace, I cannot even beg you to forgive me.
I pledged to protect STATE, and I have broken my vows. I am a useless traitor. I…
The… The Pr.. would have k…
Please, just kill me… I am worthless… "
“No. You are here to protect STATE, and that is what you will do.
While she speaks, S. steps forward.
Instinctively, she takes his chin with her right hand and lifts him. Trembling, he stands, his eyes down
respectfully, until she orders him: “Look!”
When they look each other in the eyes, a current flows from her through him and back into
STATE. He is accepted.
“Now, where are your men?”
The Captain shakes his head, and opens the door leading to the ladies'. In the toilet, a heavily
armed soldier is sitting on the floor. Unable to have lifted his weapon all this time, he is clearly
“Sir, the gun was going down no matter what!” he says, avoiding to look at the terrorist woman.
The Captain opens his mouth to say something, but S. walks in, takes the soldier by his chin
as she had done with the Captain and forces him to look into her eyes, which he does defiantly.
Then his eyes widen and again the current flows back into STATE.
He sighs and looks weak for a moment, and S. does no longer doubt his loyalty.
In the toilet next to him, sure enough, another heavily armed Elite soldier is trying to pull his
weapon off the floor, in vain. Again, S. takes him by the chin, and forces him to look up to her.
He, too, gives in, and then S. turns to do the same with the last soldier in the men’s closet
opposite. A lot of resistance there, and although he does act convinced, S. is not so sure. Still…
“OK, are we complete?” S. asks the Captain, but he shakes no, there is another man, waiting
downstairs. He orders his men around the Bearer and sternly says they are to protect her, then
turns to go down.
“I go first”, S. says.
“But… Really… Your Grace, I can not allow you to, it’s not safe”.
“I am protected by STATE, and will not be disobeyed. Step aside,” she says, mouthing the orders
as if she had never done otherwise. Warmth radiates off STATE as it seems to flatten against her belly.
Reluctantly, the Captain does as told and down she goes, followed by her new Guard.
She has only gone down a few steps, when the last soldier, standing feet apart in the dark hallway,
points his gun at her.
S. waits quietly until again, the gun starts slipping against his hand.
Frustrated, the soldier shouts: “No way I’m gonna defect to you, you terrorist bitch!” Dropping
the gun in a flash, he grabs a knife from his boot and flings it at S., aimed perfectly for her head.
Behind her, the Captain tries to jump forwards, but the stairs are too narrow.
A high whistle and a loud ‘clang!’
When S. opens her eyes, the knife is half embedded in STATE. A strong sickening feeling, and the
knife is dragged into the suddenly viscid material of this strange thing. The soldier’s name and rank
begin to surface, the letters formed in relief. S. starts to appreciate the powers and potential of STATE.
Down in the hallway, the soldier stands staring, then, as the Captain shouts at him, he turns and flees.
Both S. and her Guard rush down the stairs after him, but they fail to catch him. The Captain says:
“He will have warned the Military Police! I’ve suspected him to be an agent for ages, and now for sure
we’ll get them all after us within minutes!”
“Move then!” S. says and off she goes, the four men group running to keep up with her.